Going in Circles 

 This week I experienced a bizarre moment of surrealism (these incidents are becoming more and more frequent in recent times) when I happened to be strolling around the mall in Mankato. I moved in a circular fashion along the thoroughfare and ambled passed the sunglasses stall, and the opportunity to win a Mini Cooper car; I was then suddenly presented with a vast display of diagrams and instructional videos that looked to inform the public (like a government information film) the correct way to negotiate a roundabout. Just to remind readers, this is a simple feature of the highway system, that places a circle in the middle of the road – the premise being that you arrive at it, give-way, then continue if nothing is coming (complicated right?). 

 This was a manned display with an educator that could interface with the Mankato public to inform them on such a transportation anomaly. All this because Mankato’s first roundabout now consolidates the two intersections at Stadium Road north with what used to be County Road 83 – and a program that has introduced five more in and around Mankato. For any Brits reading this editorial, it would be like receiving a public lesson in how to use a stop sign (a rarely seen road sign in Britain - with all its mysterious and complicated meta-narrative of meanings).

 I am not sure where this fear of the common roundabout comes from, but Americans seem to fear them, and then lose all logic and perception when placed in front of one. Americans and citizens of Mankato, you have nothing to fear! The only reason Britain does not come to a grinding gridlocked halt is down to these circular institutions; they were first introduced in 1768 at Bath Circus, and we have been going around in circles ever since. 

 So common are they, that the English town of Milton Keynes has over 300 alone; this leads to the strange phenomena of seeing the tires on the outside of your car wear out faster, because they travel further - it is a common practice in this town to have your tires rotated in the hope of encouraging even wear.

 In many ways you have a distinct advantage over me when tackling the humble roundabout, as I discovered on my way home. No amount of tuition prepared me for my interaction; this was the first time in the five years I have resided in this country, that I have arrived at the junction of a roundabout; so I drew on all my many years of experience and a lifetime of driving in Britain. I will now take this opportunity to apologize to all of the fellow users of the roundabout on Monday at 3.08pm for coming at them in a clockwise fashion, and for any distressed that was caused – it was a mistake that any Brit could have made.

The Mystery of the Nog

What on earth is a nog? I have seen vast quantities of eggnog for sale throughout the festive season in this country - but I have no idea of what a nog actually is. Could there ever be the possibility that one could run out of nogs - and how many nogs do you have to squeeze to make a pint? What if the nogs arrived fresh every Thursday, but on this occasion the delivery man could not get to the store in time - due to a mechanical failure. “Sorry sir, we have the eggs, but I am afraid to say that we are fresh out of nogs - perhaps you could come back tomorrow, we are expecting a delivery soon.” So does a nog substitute exist; can you get a fat-free nog - and can vegetarians have them?

Having now experienced several Minnesotan winters, I have come to realize that Minnesotans actually find 0 degrees a little chilly. Thus for my European brethren I have decided to formulate a five point plan to inform those on the other side of the Atlantic (from the comfort of my own ice-house) how cold Minnesotan snow actually is – solely by the divination of one’s fingers:

1. The snow feels tingly on my fingers. 
2. The snow is burning my fingers.
 3. I cannot feel my fingers.
 4. Where are my fingers? 
5. Why are my fingers see-through, and why are people ignoring me!

I have discovered many new and wondrous things about Minnesota (as the year has drawn to a close - bringing with it a time of reflection). I am now aware for example that a Minnesotan will install security lights on their house and garage - but then leave them both unlocked. I now know that a Minnesotan will design a kid’s Halloween costume to specifically fit over a snowsuit. I am now knowledgeable as to what ‘knee-high by the Fourth of July’ actually means, and I can now tell the difference between corn and soy beans at a single glance. I have also found that a Minnesotan’s idea of creative landscaping is to place a statue of a deer next to a blue spruce. I have also realized that at least twice a year their kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant, and that Minnesotans genuinely believe that Lutherans and Catholic are the only two major religions.

I think you will agree that 2013 has brought a profound and important cultural education; I will wait to see what awe and wonder shall be discovered in 2014.