What on earth is a nog? I have seen vast quantities of eggnog for sale throughout the festive season in this country - but I have no idea of what a nog actually is. Could there ever be the possibility that one could run out of nogs - and how many nogs do you have to squeeze to make a pint? What if the nogs arrived fresh every Thursday, but on this occasion the delivery man could not get to the store in time - due to a mechanical failure. “Sorry sir, we have the eggs, but I am afraid to say that we are fresh out of nogs - perhaps you could come back tomorrow, we are expecting a delivery soon.” So does a nog substitute exist; can you get a fat-free nog - and can vegetarians have them?
Having now experienced several Minnesotan winters, I have come to realize that Minnesotans actually find 0 degrees a little chilly. Thus for my European brethren I have decided to formulate a five point plan to inform those on the other side of the Atlantic (from the comfort of my own ice-house) how cold Minnesotan snow actually is – solely by the divination of one’s fingers:
1. The snow feels tingly on my fingers.
2. The snow is burning my fingers.
3. I cannot feel my fingers.
4. Where are my fingers?
5. Why are my fingers see-through, and why are people ignoring me!
I have discovered many new and wondrous things about Minnesota (as the year has drawn to a close - bringing with it a time of reflection). I am now aware for example that a Minnesotan will install security lights on their house and garage - but then leave them both unlocked. I now know that a Minnesotan will design a kid’s Halloween costume to specifically fit over a snowsuit. I am now knowledgeable as to what ‘knee-high by the Fourth of July’ actually means, and I can now tell the difference between corn and soy beans at a single glance. I have also found that a Minnesotan’s idea of creative landscaping is to place a statue of a deer next to a blue spruce. I have also realized that at least twice a year their kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant, and that Minnesotans genuinely believe that Lutherans and Catholic are the only two major religions.
I think you will agree that 2013 has brought a profound and important cultural education; I will wait to see what awe and wonder shall be discovered in 2014.